Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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