I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize