She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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