I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize