Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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