Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize