All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
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