when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm having to shit out rocks
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