i wish my penis had a tongue
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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