the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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