You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize