i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
