Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize