hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
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My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
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He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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