so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
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the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
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Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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