In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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