so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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