oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
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Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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