smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
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