Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize