You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
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She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
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There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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