I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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