did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
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she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
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michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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