I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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