I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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