All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
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He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
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Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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