Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
