Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
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Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
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The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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