she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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