He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
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We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
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I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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