Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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