i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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