Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He better not be in your backpack
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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