Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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