Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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