I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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