Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize