Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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