I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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