I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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