Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
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The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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