bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
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It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
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The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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