So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
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I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
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He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize