I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
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Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
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I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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