There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize