everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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