Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
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I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
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When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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