you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
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Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
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He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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