My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize