Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
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I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
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No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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