I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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